Away from the Algorithm

A Google Logo

So I wanted to check something on this blog, but I am not at my home computer.  I didn't realize that the ease with which my typing "happy ethical human" in the search box would return the link to my blog is actually thanks to some algorithm that tracks what I search for and how often I search for a particular term and not because "happy ethical human" is an easily found term on the internet.  Indeed, it is not.  So, instead of a link to my blog, Google search (which was not even in AI mode when I hit the return key), just returned the following results (which I share out of interest for the thoughts now provoked).  

A "happy ethical human" is an individual whose subjective well-being and life satisfaction are enhanced by living an ethical life, which often involves pursuing meaningful activities, developing virtues, and acting with integrity. Research suggests a reciprocal relationship: ethical proclivities tend to increase happiness, and greater happiness can foster more positive ethical judgments and cooperative social behaviors. While happiness isn't a sole guarantee of a good life, and unethical behavior can lead to negative outcomes, modern positive psychology and traditional philosophy explore how the pursuit of a good and meaningful life often involves both happiness and ethical conduct.

The Reciprocal Relationship

Ethics -> Happiness:.

A key finding is that ethical behavior can increase happiness and well-being. Engaging in meaningful activities, developing virtues like honesty and compassion, and acting with purpose contribute to a richer, more fulfilling life.

Happiness -> Ethics:.

Conversely, a state of happiness can make individuals more ethical. People who are happy tend to be more social, cooperative, and more likely to make improved ethical judgments.

The Nature of "Ethical" and "Happy"

Ethical actions:.

This includes adhering to standards of right and wrong, practicing virtues like honesty and empathy, and recognizing the importance of the common good.

Happy living:.

Beyond fleeting pleasure, happiness is linked to concepts like human flourishing and subjective well-being. It involves living a life of meaning, engagement, and purpose.

Balancing Personal Happiness and Selfishness

A crucial distinction is made between genuine happiness and pure hedonism or selfishness.

Giving excessive attention to one's own happiness at the expense of others can be considered unethical.

The goal is to pursue happiness in a way that doesn't lead to self-centeredness but rather to a more flourishing and ethically engaged life.

Philosophical and Psychological Perspectives

Ancient Philosophy:.

Thinkers like Aristotle focused on achieving eudaimonia, a concept of human flourishing and living a good life through virtue, rather than just pleasure.

Modern Philosophy:.

While some modern views link happiness to subjective satisfaction, traditional ethics emphasizes an objective, common good that individuals strive for together.

Positive Psychology:.

This field studies human flourishing and well-being, exploring how happiness, meaning, and ethical behavior intertwine.

As it happens, I don't think this AI-generated comment on the juxtaposition of "happy" and "ethical" is too far off the mark.  While it doesn't emphasize the "human" part of the blog title, the ideas of community and reciprocity do point to our humanity.  One thing that I appreciate as a nuance to this LLM attempt to embrace ethics is the recognition of the problem of selfishness.  As humans, we have needs as well as desires, which can, from time to time, get in the way of ethical choices even without the distorting lenses of our perceptions and biases.

That being said, I think I like this definition:

A "happy ethical human" is an individual whose subjective well-being and life satisfaction are enhanced by living an ethical life, which often involves pursuing meaningful activities, developing virtues, and acting with integrity. 

 I can but try.

One word, Ben: Plastics!

Where too much plastic waste ends up!

Or words to that effect, as I recall that moment in The Graduate when someone leans over to give the new graduate some advice for the future.  That phrase has continued as, I suppose, a meme ever since that remarkable scene.  I think the audience was as taken aback as Dustin Hoffman's character, Ben, was, and that reaction may have contributed to making the scene so memorable.  The advice of that encounter in a 1967 movie turned out to be prescient.  Plastics now dominate our lives on this planet.  Many consumable products are packaged in plastic.  Many products are themselves made of plastic.  Our homes are filled with plastic, and now our bodies seem also to be filled with microplastics.  What this bodes for the future of humans is not good.  The United Nations Development Program advises that the plastics that leach into our bodies from containers and other products:

are linked to serious health issues such as endocrine disruption, weight gain, insulin resistance, decreased reproductive health, and cancer.

In discussing what to do to observe Earth Month in April, members of the Ethical Society of Austin were challenged to "make one change" in use or consumption of plastics.  That change needed to be something that we are not already doing.  That caveat gave me pause.

I have already been "woke" to the dangers of plastics.  I certainly have not done enough to remove plastics from my life and my home.  I do, however, faithfully recycle the single-use plastics that come into my home.  I have two blue plastic recycling bins in which I place the items to be recycled (metal, paper, plastic, glass, etc.).  Whatever goes into those bins is placed in the larger plastic bin that is rolled to the curb every two weeks and picked up for recycling by a contractor with my local government.  I wash the contaminants from whatever goes in those bins to make sure that the items I am recycling are ready for recycling.  

One problem in this process is that so much single-use plastic still comes into my home.  That's why I end up saving a lot of plastic containers for other uses on the theory that repurposing items is also a way to extend the life of the material used to make the plastic.  One container, reused once, reduces the impact of the blob of plastic that made it by 50%--or so the calculation goes.  Multiple reuses of the same container would presumably continue to reduce its impact more and more over time.  In the meantime, if I am buying more of the same product in the same kind of container, I will, at some point, have too many to reuse.  I have, in fact, reached that point with several types of containers.

For the challenge to "make one change," I did make the change to stop buying beverages in plastic containers and switch to glass or metal containers.   Since my beverage of choice is sparkling water, I have plenty of choice in brand and type while sticking to my favorite unflavored drink.  

I do, however, have to be more careful now with the remaining plastic bottles that previously contained said sparkling water.  I have two Pellegrino brand bottles that I saved from a train trip last year, two Topo Chico bottles that showed up from a couple of trips around Texas, and two half-pint bottles that I got for free somewhere.  I like these bottles for their shapes and sizes, and I keep them filled with "still water" in my fridge.  I have sometimes carried them with me on errands, losing a bottle here and there.  These remaining bottles, I have now pledged, will be continuously reused unless I decide to stop using them and send them for recycling.  No new ones allowed.  

I don't know how significant an effect my "one change" will make for the planet, but it does make me aware--every day--that Ethics, to be central, requires making the same choice over and over again.  It has been a challenge to go into the grocery store and not pick up a bottle of water (in plastic) to sip while I shop.  Yesterday, I put a can of sparkling water in my purse, carried it into a big box store, showed it to the greeter, who waved me through.  It's more awkward to keep a can balanced than a bottle with a lid that prevents spills, but at least I'm learning to support my choices with a little advance planning.  

Stories about Social Service

Once again I have to refer to the work that I am doing on the Bibliography of Ethical Culture and the ideas that seem to be flying at me from my discoveries.  Today's idea is Social Service.  

Social service seems, in my knowledge and experience, to include assistive services provided to those who are somehow at a disadvantage in our community, whether they are disadvantaged by poverty, ability, genetics, place of origin, language, etc.  These would be services provided by public or private entities to relieve those disadvantages with food, funds, pro-social policies, translators, etc.  There's a great deal of assumption built into that notion of "disadvantaged," but the focus on social service will have to skip those assumptions for the time being and merely note that my and, I believe, our common understanding of "social service" speaks of services of whatever sort provided by a group entity to individuals who are considered to be "disadvantaged."

Today, I'm documenting a book by Frederick James Gould, called The Children's Book of Moral Lessons. Gould was a crusader (I think the word is apt) for moral education for children--in both public and private settings.  He worked with Stanton Coit to found the East London Ethical Society, was known as a "pioneer of secular humanism," and spoke widely as a representative of the Moral Education League.  This particular book is the second in the series, and focuses on "kindness" and "work."  The first, which I have not yet located, focused on "self-control" and "truthfulness."  The search is now on for the first series and any later series.

In the meantime, I took the opportunity to glance through the very lengthy table of contents and noticed a section under "work" called "social service."  I am increasingly disturbed by the attitudes I am seeing among my fellow members of Ethical Culture regarding "Ethical action," concerned that there is too much emphasis on the act of providing social services and not enough emphasis on the ethical roots and purposes of those actions and services.  I hope someday to be able to articulate that concern in some better fashion.  At the moment, I find that Gould has given me a new point of view on social services.

In Chapter 41, Gould begins with a discussion of Michelangelo's statue of David.  He has a charming way of keeping his narrative at a child's level (I'm thinking elementary school level), defining his terms, making sure that, when he talks about the Italian setting for his story, he is providing parallels for understanding by the English schoolchild.  His story talks about Michelangelo's carving of the statue as a social service--service to his community--because he used an abandoned piece of marble, seeing in it the future David.  The marble had been laying about near the cathedral for "more than a hundred years" (p. 193), and Michelangelo's service replaced an eyesore with a work of art.  Gould's story continues with more "social service" by those who talked about what to do with the statue (where to put it), those who struggled for four days to move the statue with ropes and rollers, and even those who criticized the statue.  In all cases, individuals--sometimes working together, sometimes independently--provided a service to their community through their skills, their energy, their ideas.  That service he called "social service."

Later Ethical leaders referred to "public spirit" for some of the same "services."  They referred to the duty to vote, the importance of speaking out in councils (both public and private), the value of stepping up to serve on those same councils.  

I have talked in the past about four modes of Ethical action:  Living, Giving, Serving, and Teaching/Educating/Testifying.  (I am still working on that fourth label.)  In my thinking, some of these same modes of action fit into the notion of "social service" that Gould advocates and also with the idea of "public spirit."  As we make ethics central in our lives, how we live can (and should) be an Ethical action.  What we give (including time, talents, and money) can also be an Ethical action when it is given in the spirit of social service--and not merely as charity, which makes us the giver of bounty rather than a servant of the community.  Serving is easiest for us to see as both Ethical action and social service, but, interestingly, Gould turns the notion on its head when he tells the story of the cathedral bell-ringer in Switzerland.  Simple actions that serve the community, he points out, should be respected just as the grand deed of an artistic genius such as Michelangelo should be respected.  In that, the respect we give to others is an Ethical action.  The final mode--teaching, etc.--is simply how we use our voice to show others the ethics of the situation, whether it is to speak up and point out wrong, plan a better path forward, or to clarify the benefits to community and self in a particular course of action or event.  Speaking up to assert, challenge, praise, identify--all of the ways in which we can express our Ethical values in the presence of others--becomes, in that way, an Ethical action--and a social service.

Recycle Your Ex

I couldn't resist opening an email captioned "Flush Your Ex Is Back."  I was amazed to read a message from Who Gives a Crap toilet paper company (their bamboo is my paper of choice) to see that they were recycling (pun intended) a previous campaign to turn karma into a reality with an invitation to send in old love letters, poems, and other paper evidence of a love gone bad.  Their promise was to recycle those notes (literally) into toilet paper, which could then be, well, used and flushed.  Their call was to "Get Petty," "turn heartbreak into toilet paper," and remember "What goes around comes around."

All in good fun, right?  With a side dose of therapy.  I do recall, sitting with a friend at her chimenea, a tot of some very smooth adult beverage in hand, burning her divorce papers and, I, some old letters that I really didn't need to keep around.  As healing as that act (or beverage) may have been, I am a little saddened that I did not, at that time, know about "Who Gives a Crap" as anything but an expression of dismissal.  Fire is good, but flushing would have been even more satisfying.

But seriously, folks, recycling matters. For Who Gives a Crap, recycling comes with a double purpose.  (1) They recycle paper into a useful product.  (2) A portion of their profits is donated to charities that build functioning toilets in places where few or none exist.  

Even better, I found this at the end of their front page (and other places on their site):

Acknowledgement of Country

We first started in Melbourne, on the traditional grounds of the Wurundjeri people. Today our team spans the globe, but most of us are still on land whose rightful custodians are First Nations peoples who have cared for our land, water and sky for tens of thousands of years. We pay our respects to Elders past and present and commit to Wominjeka - to come with purpose - leveraging our business, products and community to uphold our responsibilities to protect this planet according to their example.

 Wominjeka.  Sounds like "Ethics" to me.  Nothing petty about it.

Giving Ethically

What are your reasons for giving?

Discussions now going on in the American Ethical Union suggest that there are different motives for giving to that organization; some fairly strong voices even say that AEU should be giving money to its member Societies rather than the other way around.  The Ethical Society of Austin is also in budget-making mode, trying to balance projected needs against projected income.

I had the privilege of speaking to another Ethical Culture Society a couple of years ago.  The topic was giving, and I was invited to help inspire the opening of wallets.  There just wasn't enough money to do the things that the group wanted to do unless people started contributing more than the occasional $5 bill.  It's a common problem for all our Ethical Culture Societies.

Looking through my papers I ran across a draft of that speech.  It was titled "Giving Ethically," and based on a model that I use for framing Ethical Action as Living, Giving, Serving, and Educating.  Three reasons that I cited in that speech for giving to the Ethical Culture Movement seem relevant to current discussions.  I called these the "Why" of my giving.

• First, there is still much work to be done. Democracy is in danger. The end of racism is still so far away. We do not act like a peaceful nation no matter what our leaders say. Ethical Culture’s voice–and its reason and its humane concern–are all needed in today’s public dialogue. This moral voice can lead, inspire, teach others to be better, to be their best. I would give all I can to support the voice that says that ethics is and must be central to all we do.
• Second, there are other people like me still out there, people who have never heard of Ethical Culture. These are people who long for the light of understanding, the warmth of compassion, and the fire of commitment. Those words–”the light of understanding, the warmth of compassion, and the fire of commitment”--are what we say when we light a candle at the beginning of our Sunday meeting in Austin. Those words were what first drew me into Ethical Culture. I would give all I could to turn that candle into a beacon that signals from hilltop to hilltop that here in Ethical Culture is a community of kindred spirits in which you can grow and flourish to do and be your best.
• And third, on a more practical note, I have always been one to pay attention to the basics. I’ve been known to give the kids new underwear for Christmas. Once, when I had no cash to give, I supplied a candidate’s campaign with toilet paper (I just bought extra supplies when I bought groceries). In 25 years of managing non-profit organizations, I am well aware of the dreaded administrative costs. I know from experience that the smaller the organization the higher the percentage of budget allocated to administration. Ethical Culture–to be a beacon for those who would join our Movement and to be the voice of ethics for this nation–must have a sound foundation for its daily operations. I would (and do) give to make sure that the lights stay on and there’s someone there to keep things going.

 Nothing has changed for me in the past two years.  These are still my reasons for giving.  I have to ask:  What is your "Why"?

Adler on Purpose

Standing Up for Human Rights at the Texas Capitol

Felix Adler reported to the New York Society about what he experienced at the first [international] Congress [of Ethical Societies] held in Zurich in 1896 (Ethical Addresses, Series Three, pp. 133-150).  He detailed the activities reported by the Ethical Societies that attended from all over Europe and then he turned to the problem that he saw:

Now all this is very laudable and very interesting, but it did seem to me as if there was one thing lacking in the foreign Ethical Societies — or at least if not lacking yet not sufficiently pronounced: that is, the spiritual element. I do not mean anything mystical when I use the word spiritual. When we think of morality, if we concentrate our attention on the act, on the external part of it, then we are not spiritual; but if we care chiefly for the spirit in which the act is done, then we take the spiritual view. It seemed to me as if the spiritual side, though not wanting by any means among the leaders — in fact it was beautifully emphasized by some of the leaders — was nevertheless too much neglected; as if the drift were in an external direction, as if the feeling prevailed that the ethical society exists for the benefit of others. I have always felt that this is a wrong attitude to take. I have always felt that an ethical society should take the ground that it exists primarily for the moral benefit of its own members. It is in this way that I have distinguished in my mind between the real members and the quasi members of an ethical society. The real member of an ethical society is the person who feels that he has not yet — morally — finished his education; that he is in need of moral development, in need of help, and looks upon the society as a means of helping him in his moral development. The quasi member is the person who merely appreciates the society in so far as it is doing good for others. He is no real member, at best only an ally, an associate. Now I felt that this sort of external feeling prevails to a considerable degree in the foreign societies as it still largely exists in our own. (pp 143-144).  Emphasis added.

From another perspective, we have, in the next year’s Series (Ethical Addresses, Series 4), a report of the Congress from the new Secretary of what he called, at that point, the International Ethical Federation.  Dr. F. W. Foerster, Jr., son of the eminent astronomer, Dr. F. W. Foerster, reported on Adler’s address to the Congress thusly:

The address given the following evening by Professor Felix Adler, the founder of the Ethical Movement, on " Our Common Aims," proved to be of importance in the outlook it opened and the influence it exercised on the deliberations of the Congress. For him all merely external results achieved by the Movement are of minor significance. The true  “practice" cannot appear unless a social regeneration has previously taken place in every individual. In assigning the chief prominence to the moral renewal of the inner life, Professor Adler pointed out, at the same time, the necessary consequences which a thoroughly sincere person, who lays the principal stress on the inner side of reform, must draw, so far as the social and economic distress of the present day is concerned. This elucidation was the more timely, as many of the continental leaders were under the mistaken impression that the Ethical Movement in America has taken the shape of a sort of religious sect, and does not attempt to exert a decisive influence upon the attitude and conduct of its members with respect to social and political questions. This impression indeed seemed, for the moment, to receive additional confirmation when Professor Adler proceeded to warn against the tendency to over-emphasize activity in the external field and declared that, as members of the Ethical Societies, we are to see to it primarily that  “we save our own souls alive," that it is our own inward integrity which we must seek to rescue. But it was speedily made plain that no mere retirement into a sequestered Ethical individualism was intended, but that the position indicated contained within itself the very strongest motives to the exercise of the social energies. For, moral self-recollection, according to Professor Adler, if it be only deep enough, is sure to lead us beyond the narrow limits of individualism, sure to awaken in us not merely interest in our fellow beings and a forceless pity for their sufferings, but to fill us with a profoundly moving consciousness that we are, in part, responsible for the crimes and miseries that exist in society and will arouse us to seek expiation from the social guilt which adheres to us. And this, first of all and chiefly, by achieving our inner release from the evil powers that today devastate mankind. (Series 4, 102-103)

And he goes on from there. (And I should point out that about a year later Dr. Foerster (the younger) left the Movement and converted to Catholicism.)  What I gathered from this was that, at the very beginning of our international federation, there was concern that Ethical Culture was being distorted into a social justice or social service organization.  Adler’s repeated assertion is that our goal is our own personal moral/ethical growth and improvement – and our practice in social service and social action is how we learn and grow.  That, at least, is my understanding of what I have been seeing and reading as I do this work.  Interestingly, the tension remains in the AEU and in our local Societies – are we all about ethics or are we all about the practice of ethics?  Somehow it always seems to be either/or and not both/and.

___________________________________

The above excerpt is from an address I recently delivered to the Ethical Humanist Society of the Triangle.  The address focused on lessons gleaned from preparing the Bibliography of Ethical Culture, starting with Ethical Addresses and Ethical Record, a 21 volume serial published by the American Ethical Union from 1895 to 1914.  

The founding of an International Union of Ethical Societies was an important milestone in the history of the Ethical Culture Movement.  I found it interesting that there was some misunderstanding at the outset regarding the goal of individual improvement and the broader element of social development.  Part of that interest came from the point raised in the last sentence of this portion of my address:  History is repeating itself in our Movement.  That is, insofar as those who join us are looking to perform good works and acts of social justice, they may have failed to understand the purpose of our Ethical Societies.  Yes, we commit to doing Ethical actions.  Yes, we want to make the world a better place for all who live in it.  But we are, first of all, seeking to develop our own understanding of ethics and the right thing to do.  As we progress in our understanding of ethics, part of that understanding will be that there are those who need our help, that our voice is needed to clarify the ethics of the situation, that our time and talent can be used to improve the lives of others.  Part of that understanding will also be that our ethics are practical and applied as a way of gaining an even better understanding of the needs and suffering of those around us as we also seek ways to relieve that suffering.  It is not the application of our ethics that we seek but the understanding and knowledge and human compassion that we gain by applying them, drawing us closer to our fellow humans and more in harmony with the planet.  That ethical action is a by-product of our ethical development is not any less important than the fact that ethical action is a tool of our ethical development. 

Have a nice winter festival, Y'all!

This Happy Ethical Human will celebrate the season and 

return in the new year (with resolutions, no doubt!).

Five When You Drive (and Then Some)

    Drive Friendly!    

Ethical Actions come in all sizes.  Some we do together.  Some we do separately but still working toward a common purpose.  Here are some Ethical Actions that we can perform as individuals to have a positive effect on our community and ourselves within or around our personal vehicles.

• Yield.  The "Yield" sign is a tool for road safety and courtesy.  When a road sign indicates that you are driving in an area where traffic is merging, give way to incoming cars.  Traffic flow will be enhanced, and tempers will stay cool.
• Yield.  Big rigs are bigger than you think.  Cutting in front on one is neither funny nor safe.  Give them room on the road, and get out of their way.  
• Lessons from my father continue to echo in my brain when driving on the highway with 18-wheel trucks.  I often take the extra step of slowing down when I see that a trucker is trying to change lanes.  I know that he is on a schedule, has a beast of a machine to keep under control, and is way bigger than I am.  By slowing down, I can give him the extra room to make his lane change.  It really doesn't seem to make that much difference in my own arrival time, but the quick flash of his signal lights lets me know that I've helped in a small way to make the trucker's drive safer and easier.
• Drive Friendly.  That's a motto that shows up on Texas highway signs ('cuz Texas is the Friendly State!), but it's a good principle for Ethical drivers.  Yes, we want to get from Point A to Point B as quickly and efficiently as possible, but it's not a race.  Nor is it a war, although there are times when the highway does indeed seem like a war zone with cars blinking their lights to get us to move out of their way, others speeding from one lane to another.  
• Begin your drive mindfully, with the intention to keep it calm and courteous.  One calm and courteous driver may not seem like it will make much difference.  Actually, it may not make the drive better for anyone except you.  The Ethical Action is in not making the drive worse for anyone else.  
• Lay off the horn.  
• Use your signals.  
• Stay within the speed limit.  

A Question of Balance

William James,
American Philosopher, Historian, Psychologist

I am overcome with the beginning of William James' speech, "Is Life Worth Living?" (Ethical Addresses, 12th Series, 1905, pp. 1-29).  I hadn't half begun reading it when I had to stop and absorb all that he had thrown at me (and initially at the Young Men's Christian Association at Harvard, c. 1895) in the introduction.  

James began with Walt Whitman's ebullient praise of life, which, of course, lifted me up; then he took me down to the depths of despair with a long excerpt from James Thomson's poem:  "The City of Dreadful Night."  Two pages worth of an excerpt, with this snippet of doom and gloom:

My Brother, my poor Brothers, it is thus : 

This life holds nothing good for us,

But it ends soon and nevermore can be; 

And we knew nothing of it ere our birth. 

And shall know nothing when consigned to earth ;

I ponder these thoughts and they comfort me.

And then he called us back to reality, more or less, with another excerpt from an unidentified source quoting [John] Ruskin, to remind us that joy and misery yet live side by side though one be out of the sight of the other.

And, with that, I had to pause and reflect.  The emotional rollercoaster created by these references took me from high to low to a stricken realization that at no time might we be wholly comfortable in our own lives, knowing that others are themselves suffering and miserable.  What to think?

Sometimes, yes, life is so wonderful we can hardly believe that we have been privileged to experience such moments as come to us with delight and wonder and sheer pleasure.  I can remember the day I was waiting for a Senate Committee hearing to begin, intending to testify in support of some bill or other, thinking:  "I can't believe they pay me to do this."  I can remember the peace and comfort of just leaning sideways slightly to touch my late husband's shoulder and feel the solid support of his presence.  I can remember standing on the back porch of my rented home as a student in Seattle, seeing Mt. Rainer, with sunlight gleaming on its snowy top--all that beauty practically for free!  I can sit here now, in a not wholly lit room, no views to speak of, just a keyboard and monitor to face me--and remember many such moments, delighted at having been given the chance to experience them, delighted still to have the ability to remember them.  (Memory is nothing to take for granted!)

But, yes, there are moments in life where we can hardly stand to bear what we must suffer now and, sometimes, forever.  The loss of loved ones will eventually come to all of us.  I sit here, with my husband's loving glance captured in a long ago picture, knowing that I will never see those eyes looking at me again.  The pain of walking from one room to another, sometimes worse, sometimes better, always a reminder of limitations, keeps me indoors and away from direct social contact--which even an introvert will eventually miss.  The careless insults and assaults that others may fling in my direction, seeking, perhaps to awaken my awareness, not realizing the deep wounds that they re-open.  My woes are few, but sometimes they loom large.  I can find myself descending into the Slough of Despond before I realize what's happening, if I don't carefully pull myself back from the abyss.  Still, rarely, but painfully, I sometimes find myself questioning whether my life is worth continuing.

It is, however, the last of James' three quotations that strikes me the hardest.  I cannot regret my happy memories; I have learned to back away from the abyss.  But how do we live in any comfort or ease, knowing that around us people are suffering?  These walls shut me in.  Now, however, I am reminded that on the other side a good neighbor has recently suffered a stroke.  A young couple have taken in their flags and signs, any indication of their non-binary identity, being now forced to hide who they are out of fear.  Farther away, I am told, young students are facing their own struggles to find their way forward in a society that pushes them in unhealthy and unsafe directions.  And we know that poverty and disease and violence and abuse and the whole litany of horrors that humans can manage to inflict upon humans (and non-humans and the planet itself) continue.  Once we become aware--awakened, if you will--how do we survive the onslaught?

James' address to the YMCA was about suicide--and how to avoid it.  I'm not sure that I am fully aligned with his answer (religious experience will give you a reason to live), so I will have to spend more time with James' work and ideas to see why it so appealed to the editors of Ethical Addresses when they republished it 10 years after it was first delivered.  In spending that time, I am not likely to be seeking an answer to the question at the heart of his essay:  Is life worth living?  (Hell to the yes, it is.  And I'm loving the living of it, aches, pains, stress, and all.)

The question, however, that is going to stalk me for quite a while is the one that struck me so hard in reading James' introduction and is, after all, the key question that faces us in Ethical Culture.  Not "is life worth living?" but "how can we balance our need to grow and change within ourselves against the need to help the world around us develop and change?"  We seek to become better human beings, better family members, better neighbors.  We also feel pulled to help relieve the suffering we see in the world, to help others find better ways to be human.  Do we have to choose between these needs?  Or can we do both?  What is the balance?

I take this issue as a "key question," because I feel that there is an ongoing tug of war ideas within the Ethical Culture Movement right now:  Should we focus our efforts on our individual inner development and not on Ethical Action that focuses on serving the broader community external to our Ethical Culture Societies?   Should we focus on our service to the planet and its inhabitants, or should we tend first to our own need for development as Ethical humans?  Frankly, I think Felix Adler answered that question both ways in the past, and I'm not sure how other Leaders have treated the issue since those early answers.  Perhaps that is why we continue to hear passionate statements like this:  "Ethical Culture Societies, not the AEU, should engage in Ethical Actions!"  "You can't do any Ethical Actions until you have worked on your own attitudes and beliefs!"  "The AEU needs to develop national Ethical Actions that Societies can participate in!"  And on and on, back and forth, with no particular forum or venue in which to seek consensus.

Perhaps it is time to have that discussion.  In the meantime, we must agonize within ourselves, knowing that others suffer, knowing that we can (try to) help, but that we also need to maintain a commitment to ourselves and our intellectual and emotional development as Ethical Humans.  How to do that remains the question, I think.

25 Ethical Actions You Can Perform in the Privacy of Your Own Home

Ethical Culture is committed to Ethical Action.  Some folks call it Social Action.  Others stick with Social Justice.  There are differences between these labels, but all of them are pointed toward a central aspect of Felix Adler's "new religion":  That we seek to be better, more moral humans; that we can do so by acting more morally; that we will learn to do better with practice.  That, at least, is my interpretation of what I read in some of the addresses that Adler gave to the New York Society for Ethical Culture and other groups in the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries.

In leading various Ethical Action committees (for the Ethical Society of Austin and the American Ethical Union), I have observed that many speak of--and practice--Ethical Action as a group activity conducted in the community.  I tend to think that it is how we live our lives--in our ordinary daily activities--that we also put our Ethics into practice, which makes those daily activities Ethical Actions.  

Ethical Society of Austin joins protestors at the Texas Capitol

(Adam Gravois makes an important point)

Here are some examples of Ethical Actions that we can practice in our daily lives.  Almost all of these actions are directed toward the environment--reduced use of resources and recycling of used resources.  Even so, some of these actions can also lead toward some social/community connection as well as involve our Ethical decision making in shopping, both of which will have an effect beyond our homes.  Indeed, all of these actions connect us to the planet and those who live on it, reminding us of the importance of even the smallest action.

Five in the kitchen:

• (2) Rinse and recycle metal cans (after air drying).  Be sure to drain all liquid from beverage cans before placing them in your recycling bin.
• This seems like an obvious thing to do, but I've seen wet cans tossed into the bins often enough to understand that not everyone is thinking about the future growth of mildew in the bin and in the recycled cans.  The time delay between the tossing of the can and the actual recycling process can be lengthy enough for all sorts of toxic items to grow, coat the bin(s), and escape into the air.
• (3) Load your dishwasher carefully, being mindful of the physics of water flow to assure clean dishes.  Run the dishwasher only for a full load (top and bottom!).  Consider turning off the heat drying cycle and allowing your dishes to air dry.
• My late husband and I had many discussions about the physics of water (it goes down and around, not up or through solid masses) and how that related to the dishwasher.  Now I cringe when I see dishes piled in such a way that water flow is blocked.  Not only is this dangerous (surfaces not cleaned and sanitized), but it is a waste of water and electricity when the machine can't do its job properly.
• I allow my dishes to air dry when the washing cycle is finished.  This saves a bit of electricity (which makes me feel somewhat less guilty about relying on a machine to wash my dishes).

Five in the bathroom:

• Turn off the water in your sink when you brush your teeth.
• Consider purchasing toilet paper made from recycled paper.
• Soft, fluffy toilet paper is made from fresh-cut trees which have longer and more flexible fibers.  Recycled paper can get the job done without the luxury of wiping with a soft, fluffy item which is sourced from a vital, slow-growing resource.  
• Check the label on your toilet paper (or contact the manufacturer) to see whether it includes recycled paper and how much.  
• I use Who Gives a Crap brand toilet paper.  This company uses post consumer waste to make its recycled toilet paper.  It also makes toilet paper from bamboo, a fast growing grass (no trees needed).  
• (2) Recycle the wrapper and toilet roll core.
• If the wrapper is plastic, it needs to go along with your other plastic bags for recycling.  If paper, just put it with the rest in your bin.
• Yes, the cardboard core is recyclable.  (It's also good for crafting and, with a slit up the side, bundling messy computer wires.)
• Consider saving your leftover soap pieces to make a "new" soap ball.
• OK, I haven't made a soap ball yet, but I'm saving the soap slivers.  I will, no doubt, make a big deal out of shredding the slivers and making the ball--when the time comes.

Five in the living room:

• Turn off unnecessary lights.  
• Do you really need to run the TV in the background?
• (3) Magazines can have longer lives after you've finished with them:
• Check with a local senior facility to see if they can use the magazines for their residents.
• If there are lots of pictures, check with a local school to see if teachers can use the magazines for projects (or for reading).
• If all else fails, recycle the paper.

Five in the closet/laundry:

• Wear your clothes longer.  
• Purchase durable fabrics in "classic" styles that can be worn year after year.  This will help cut the cycle of "fast fashion" and, ultimately, reduce the amount of clothes thrown into a landfill.
• Unless you are outside in the Texas summer and/or doing heavy manual labor, chances are you can wear that blouse/shirt more than once.  This will reduce the frequency of laundering your clothes and the expenditure of energy resources to do it.
• Hang dry your clothes rather than using the dryer.  This will extend the life of the fabric (less loss of fiber) and wearability (less shrinkage).
• Yes, things will be rumpled.  Straighten the cloth as much as possible while still wet.  Iron only if you really must.  Strut the rumpled look when among friends.  😏
• Wash your clothes in cold water.
• Wash only a full load of clothes.
• Yeah, yeah, the manufacturer has settings for smaller loads, using less water.  It still uses electricity for a full cycle.  

78 degrees in the summer;
68 degrees in the winter.

Five for the whole house:

• Set your thermostat on 78 for the summer, 68 for the winter--and don't touch it.
• Switch to LED lightbulbs.
• Turn off the light and the ceiling fan when you leave a room.
• Use natural light as much as possible.
• Change your A/C filters regularly.

Most of these things reflect a degree of "common sense" and promote frugality.  Who Gives a Crap Toilet paper is not frugal in terms of the cash that I pay to buy it, but, since I'm not flushing trees down the loo, I am happy to spend the money.  I'm not so good at using natural light when it is available, but assorted nurses have entered my home and started messing with the blinds often enough that I am catching on.  All of this "small stuff" takes some practice and attention to detail until it becomes a habit.  The tradeoff in cost/effort vs benefit may well be in our improved sense of commitment to the earth and our fellow earthlings (of all species) as we succeed in reducing unnecessary demands on the planet's resources and increase our progress toward being the kind of person that we wish to be.

Peace and the Roots of Violence

Violence has many roots.  After the school shooting in Uvalde, Texas, I felt personally affected.  The time and physical distance between these tragic school shootings seemed to be narrowing, and I began to feel less safe.  Media reports are often not enough to understand what is happening around these events, and, just as often, the reports seem to contribute to the problem by repeatedly naming the shooter, blaming authorities for technical mistakes, and generally stirring up fearful emotions without looking at root causes and effective, science-based solutions.

After Uvalde, I began looking more closely at school shootings, looking for better answers.  I read The Violence Project by Gillian Peterson and James Densley.  I looked into the recommendations of The Off-Ramp Project.  I internalized the message that such violence is not instantaneous--it is often signaled well in advance, while there is still time to prevent it by addressing the issues that the shooter is trying--and failing--to cope with.  

When my friend, Leanne, began to talk about the beginning of a new school year in our community, and the special concerns that accompany that event at a local school where her husband is a School Resource Officer, I immediately "alerted" to what she was saying.  Lamar Rebound Alternative School is a special campus for students who have, let's call it, adjustment issues in school.  The Rebound School is mandatory, not optional, for students who commit certain infractions on or off campus.  It provides a chance to rethink, readjust, and rebound in their school career with the help of personalized learning opportunities.  As Leanne talked about the home and social situations for some of these students, my heart lurched.  No longer seeing the two-dimensional "bad kid," I could see students coming from distressing home situations (divorce, a parent in prison, drug abuse, poverty, and the list goes on and on) to school and acting out their distress (and anger, hurt, fear) with aggression and violence. 

"What can I do?" I thought.

Not a whole lot as it turns out.  But sometimes even tiny things can have a big(ger) effect and meaning.  And a journey of a thousand miles begins with that first step, does it not?

I took that first step, with help from Leanne and her husband, The SRO, to meet with staff at Lamar Rebound Alternative School and bring in a few small donations that could help the students in a crisis (hunger, need to meet school dress code, personal hygiene supplies).  I want this to be an ongoing project not only to help these at-risk children in my community, but also because I want to live my commitment to the Culture of Peace.

Peace is not just the opposite of war.  It is not just the absence of violence and abuse.  It is also a positive effect of respecting and nurturing the inherent worth of all humans.  It is the proactive effort to see the whole person in their whole context and recognize the distressing pressures of their life situation--with the intentional effort to seek ways to reduce the stressors and uplift the person.

I am not a Pink Lady.  I do not not not like snakes.  But this year's Spirit Shirt is pink--and the school mascot is (this is Texas!) a rattlesnake--so I wore the Spirit Shirt and stepped into the school to meet the Principal, the Senior Administrative Assistant, the SRO, several teachers and a few students.  I had a chance to look through the school and see the "pantry" that I hope to help keep stocked.  I saw positive messages of hope and fulfillment of potential.  I saw peace in action.  I hope to support that peace and be a part of it.  Whatever it takes.

Peace Charm Initiative

 

Peace charm reminding me to bring peace into my day

It gets harder to do some things as we get older.  I don't think I'll be participating in any more marches or protests, given the knee situation.  That doesn't mean, however, that I can't do something.  What I'm doing is making little charms to attach to just about anything that has a zipper. I was inspired to do this by a friend who is even older than I am.  I don't know what shape her knees are in, but I do think of her as being fragile and would never expect her to grab a protest sign and start marching.  That doesn't stop her from making a contribution to things that matter.  One of her projects these days is to make quilt squares.  She doesn't actually make the quilts themselves, but she uses the time she spends watching television by keeping her hands busy cutting out quilt pieces.  When she has enough, she passes them along to those who do make quilts--and they then make neonatal baby quilts for hospitals in her area.

I can't quite make the charms while watching television.  I have to set aside some time to make them in my studio, but I still count it as Me Time, because making the charms requires just enough concentration that I can forget about all sorts of troubles and concerns and just focus on wrapping the wire.  Even more fun is picking the beads.  All of the charms have the peace symbol at the center, but I can vary the small beads at the top and bottom that complement the color and design.  Making the selection involves that favorite pastime--playing with beads.  Well, my studio is not the Library of Congress!  I have to dig around though all sorts of containers to see what I have to work with and what I might want to add to a particular charm.  It's all very relaxing to take these moments out of a busy day, even more so when I know that I am doing something that will eventually (I hope) do some good.

And here's what I'm doing with the charms:  I've made enough charms to take them to a Sunday meeting of the Ethical Society of Austin.  I gave them to anyone who wanted to take one with the caveat that they needed to attach the charm (please) to something that they will see or use most days.  The charm is intended to serve as reminder to them that peace begins with us.  In our hearts.  In our thoughts.  In our words.  In our deeds.  I am asking them to see that reminder and try to find some way to bring peace into their conversations or their actions.  

I have more to say about how to do that, but I have to begin with a question about how to describe what I am doing.  I'm making charms.  The phrase that comes to mind is "charm offensive"--which, as it happens, has some slightly negative connotations in its association with false friendliness for the purposes of gaining favors.  Even worse, "offensive" is sometimes used in reference to attacking military campaigns. Even so, I rather like the contrast between "peace" and "offensive" as a way to emphasize the active work that I want to do with these charms to bring peace into my conversation and activities.  It seems more natural to use the phrase "charm offensive" than "charm initiative," but I think I would be more consistent in my own thinking if I continue the effort to remove military/war words from my speech (and thought).  So, Peace Charm Initiative it is.

I also took the Initiative to the August meeting of the Hill Country Freethinkers Association in San Marcos, asking members to use the charms to think about peace, nonviolence, and the ways in which we can reduce violence in our community.  And now I need to make more charms for my trip to New York.  😁

If I had a hammer

I attended the American Ethical Union's Lay Leadership Summer School in North Carolina this past August. It was a "mountaintop" experience on several levels, not least because we were in the beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains, staying at a resort and learning center called The Mountain.  A part of the training that I and 19 other ethical humanists from across the country undertook included breaking out into teams to create "End of Day Ceremonies," part talent show, part creative rethinking of how we celebrate and mark transitions in our local societies.

My team included six people from congregations of differing sizes and disparate communities.  What we had in common, however, was music.  Not everyone saw themselves as "a singer," but everyone was game to try.  Not only were they willing to sing in public, they were willing to rewrite the lyrics of favorite songs to communicate ethical culture.  We presented our "ceremony" as a cabaret with much participation from the audience--singing along, dancing, general hooting and hollering.  It was, we thought, replicable for other societies:

• select an occasion
• set the (desired) scene
• gather a few volunteers to start a song
• project the new lyrics on a screen so the audience can sing along
• enjoy

This is not the kind of performance that needs to be perfect or fancy or even all that good.  Exuberance can make up for a few flatted notes--assuming the audience ever sings softly enough for anyone to notice.  It was all about fun and the "joy of ethical."  We even called our cabaret "Felix's Joy Joint" and required a "secret password" to get in.  The password:  "Don't postpone joy!"

My own performance took a slightly different tack.  (Surprise, surprise!)  I knew what I wanted to sing.  Was thrilled that I would get to sing.  Loved every minute of it.  And what I sang was "If I Had a Hammer," pretty much in the style of Peter, Paul and Mary.

Why this old song?  Why not change the words to "be more ethical"?  Because of this:



Part of our "performance" was to tell our story.  How did we come to ethical culture, what does ethical culture mean to us, what about ethical culture keeps us coming back for more?  Each of us had different stories to tell.  My story, for that day, came from the deep distress that is calling me to action, ethical action, to make our world better, more humane, safer for human beings.

In 1970, the images in the video above were splashed across America.  Armed soldiers shot down American college students who were protesting the War in Vietnam.  They shot down protesters as well as random bystanders, including one fellow in a phone booth who was calling his mom to tell her that, no, he was not part of that protest and not to worry.  I, too, was on a college campus in 1970.  Not protesting.  Not too knowledgeable about much outside of my chosen field of study and the work that I needed to be doing to get my next degree.

Then I heard the news:  "They're killing college students."  I saw the images.  I realized that things were happening that could cost me my life, so I had better figure out what they were pretty damned quick.  So I joined the march.  And I manned the barricades with my sign.  And I helped keep the campus radio station going with my editorial skills.  And . . . I was changed.  (This is how you radicalize people, by the way.)

Years of various levels of activism and political involvement later, I was again asleep to the world around me.  My life was consumed with personal grief and recovery.  I could not watch or read the news--my own pain was too much for that.  I did, however, eventually find that famous Road to Recovery and read the news now and then.  I was, however, clueless on the morning of June 12.  June was Gay Pride Month.  I wore my Freedom Rings to our Sunday Meeting at Ethical Culture of Austin and made some bland announcement about "awareness" and "being a good ally."  It was only on the way home that I happened to turn on the radio.

Forty-nine dead.   And I was awakened.

What my waking eyes saw were things that had certainly been going on a long time--often out of my line of sight even before I lost family members and began the never-ending process of grieving.  LGBTQ.  Latinx.  Police violence.  Religious radicalism--of all sorts.  Hate and oppression and discrimination and dirty tricks and . . . it just doesn't end, does it?  But now I see it, as if anew, and am determined to try to make a difference.

So, in those beautiful mountains and that ramshackle "resort," in humidity that exceeds what Houston can do, in a welcoming room of ethical humanists, I told my story of two awakenings and how I felt that ethical humanists, joined in ethical action, could make a difference.  And I sang.  And we sang.



For me, this was a mountaintop experience because I got to sing out loud what I had been humming and softly singing to myself for weeks.  It was a mountaintop as well because I was heard--not merely as a chance to sing, which meant a lot to me--but as a voice, calling out those words:  Danger, Warning, Love.  And it was a mountaintop because I know that others share that sense of danger, are calling out warnings, and exclaiming that Justice, Freedom, and Love for each other are essential to our survival as a nation.

Seeing injustice is an ethical obligation

As ethical humanists, we talk about injustice and its many faces and the choices we have to correct it.  As humans, we bog down on priorities and strategies and "getting it."

In the past weeks, I have been much involved in these discussions--observing, listening, talking, and writing.  My correspondence has grown substantially, and now it is time to come back home to the Hoedown to work it out in my own mind, at my keyboard.  The weeks have been full.  St. Louis for the 101st AEU Assembly. The Mountain near Highlands, NC, for the AEU's 2016 Lay Leadership School. Family.  Adventures in travel.  Making connections with other ethical societies and with the roots of the movement.  Throughout all this busy-ness have run the threads of social justice--specifically racial justice, criminal justice, and the occasional stray mention of feminism/womanism.

Where do we start to act?  Why, indeed, must we act at all, especially when our own lives are not affected by these conflicts but rather by others, perhaps based on economics or age or some other damned thing?   Here's a thought:

As ethical humanists, we commit to making the world a better place so that in and by that process we make ourselves better humans.  We are, then, obliged to look at the world around us--our home, our neighborhood, our community, our country, our world--with eyes that appreciate what is good and just but also identify what is corrupt and unjust. 

The first step in fighting injustice, I would say, is first to see it.

We often wear blinders in our daily lives, protecting ourselves from pain, getting in ruts with our comfortable routines, not seeing the suffering of others unless we are slapped with one of those late night commercials about hunger or animal abuse.  I change the channel, so much do I resist feeling that pain. But there is injustice all around us, begging to be seen. 

• Why does my neighbor keep having broken bones, falls, bruises, depression? 
• What does this article I am reading about black people being shot by police mean for my community?  Does it happen here?  
• If water scarcity and drought is a root cause of the violence in Syria, can such a thing happen here?  
• I am doing a good thing by serving meals at the homeless shelter, but why are these people homeless?

Simply being aware of the signals that something might be wrong can be a start.  If we cannot see injustice, then we can do nothing to overcome it. Seeing the signals and recognizing them as signals, we can then begin learn more about it and the problems that are being signaled.

"Black Lives Matter"--tee shirt, button, statement--is a signal that something is wrong--not only in the black community but in the white community that surrounds it.  When someone cannot understand that signal, cannot see that it is communicating something important, that too is a signal of something wrong.  It becomes a problem ignored, a wrong unrighted.  Worse, it becomes a problem prolonged and increased.  

How do we see?

Well, we look.  We scan our environment for threats--this isn't safe, that could be hurtful.  We look for anomalies--something is out of place, not right. We look for balance--the fairness that may be the most fundamental of all human values. Maybe we should expand our search beyond ourselves and our families to others in our community/world, even including strangers in our protective vision?

We interpret what we see.  That's the part about "getting it."  We tend to interpret the signals around us in personal terms.  Personal would include ourselves, our family, our friends--and moving out beyond the circle of known persons to larger entities, still "circles" to which we "belong."  We use familiar words and concepts and experiences and knowledge to interpret the signals we get so that we can read them in terms that we understand.  Not everyone uses those words or shares those experiences.  Seeing injustice will sometimes include a new perspective on what we are looking at.  That new perspective may include active study of an issue to learn more or something as simple as listening so that we can see things better.

Here's a fairly mundane example.  It's about wallpaper, but "wallpaper" eventually became a code word with my late husband that stopped a budding conflict because one of us remembered what happened when we shopped for wallpaper for the bathroom.  Well, it was a matter of taste.  I wanted the foil with butterflies (this was in the 80's!) and he wanted the stripes.  Things got tense.  We were starting to get a little more heated and a little louder and realized that our "discussion" not going well in the wallpaper/paint store.  We decided to take it over to the McDonald's across the street and try to work it out with some ice cream. And so we did, finally reaching the dumbfounding realization that he was talking about the master bath and I was talking about the guest bathroom.   We were arguing over nothing, since I was fine with stripes in the master, and he was fine with butterflies for the guests. From then on, for more than thirty years, one of us could say "wallpaper," and the other would stop to make sure that we were actually talking about the same subject. 

The point of the wallpaper story is that interpretation of data, including signals about injustice, can depend upon point of view.  "Getting it" always includes knowing the point of view from which you are "seeing."  It usually includes recognizing that more than one point of view is looking at the problem.  It should include sharing points of view until everyone can really see the same thing.

Seeing injustice, I have said, is an ethical obligation.  I also think that it is an ethical action.

What are you seeing?

Labor Day is a day for ethical actions

Labor Day is that awkward holiday that ends summer and begins a season of month after month of national holidays.  It is also a day of significance for workers in the US:

Labor Day, the first Monday in September, is a creation of the labor movement and is dedicated to the social and economic achievements of American workers. It constitutes a yearly national tribute to the contributions workers have made to the strength, prosperity, and well-being of our country. (US Department of Labor)

As a national holiday, it was established by Congress in 1894, after the majority of states had already established holidays in honor of Labor.  In the anti-union (in, oh, so many ways) South, it is a good time for shopping the sales and alcohol-related highway deaths.

I've been thinking about labor and wages and such since coming back from the AEU's 101st Assembly in St. Louis.  While the Assembly program was focused on the theme of "Bending the Arc of History Toward Justice," there were resolutions on other matters that also got some attention in small briefing sessions and in the business meeting.  One was the Living Wage resolution.  It's worth a read.  And it's worth knowing that an earlier draft of the resolution focused on raising the minimum wage to $15.  After some discussion, the makers agreed to change the resolution to support a living wage--the amount of money that a person must earn to support their family if they are the sole provider.

Here is the current living wage estimate for Travis County.  Less than $15 for a single adult, but considerably more for adult + child, a family situation for many in Travis County.  Indeed, thirty-three per cent of children in Travis County live in single parent households.

Living Wage Calculation for Travis County, Texas

Hourly Wages	1 Adult	1 Adult 1 Child
Living Wage	$10.72	$22.64
Poverty Wage	$5.00	$7.00
Minimum Wage	$7.25	$7.25

10 more columns

Living Wage Calculation for Travis County, Texas

livingwage.mit.edu/counties/48453

Massachusetts Institute of Technology

A living wage is not all that matters to the workers in our community. Workplace safety.  Fair treatment.  Transportation.  Working hours/days.  I'm sure there's more.  We have a holiday right now, and I'm all for that, but I think there is more that needs to be done to see that workers at the lower end of the pay scale get a fair deal.  Still what can I do that would make any difference?

One thing I see a lot of is outright abuse of people working--for little money--in a service capacity.  Waitstaff.  Sales clerks/cashiers.  Others who help take care of our needs in public and in private.  The abuse comes when we think we have been ill-served.  Something is not perfect.  Service is too slow.   Whatever it is that triggers our (false) conviction that we have somehow been disrespected, mistreated, or otherwise taken down from our (assumed) royal throne.  I could just say, "Get over yourself," but as an ethical humanist I want to point out that we are bound to respect the inherent worth in all human beings. A mistake in service is just that--a mistake--not a catastrophic assault on our personal worth. Courteous, non-confrontational language ("Please take this bag as well," "I'd like more ice in tea, please" "I think there's an error in this receipt") can keep things flowing smoothly and acknowledge the worth of the person as well as the service. Instead of abusing those who help us, we reduce at least one source of stress in their workplace and respect their humanity.

I have also seen--just about all of my life--the chinchy, cheap tactic of under-tipping.  We can argue that the "owners" of whatever service is being provided should pay better wages.  I'm not sure how that would work out with portage services in transportation centers, but I know it would raise the price of meals in most restaurants.  Lower prices come from low wages.  We eat fine meals while the servers can't even afford a place to live.  We work in offices cleaned by people who are homeless.  Am I kidding?  Austin Resource Center for the Homeless provides day and overnight beds for workers in our downtown businesses.  They are simply not paid enough to live close enough to their jobs to be able to work there.  (I mentioned transportation, didn't I?)  Look at the etiquette of tipping and then consider how tips are considered, in reality, not merely an indication of quality of service but as a necessary part of the worker's pay--in lieu of actual wages.  Got poor service?  Say so--nicely.  Ask for any corrections you think necessary, including sharing with management that some additional training is needed.  Don't stiff the worker when circumstances are beyond his/her control.  Remember that the time given to your care is a part of their workday for which they need to be paid.  Then think about your part of their living wage.

What I'm writing about is not a big deal.  This is really a very small part of our labor force and a small part of their lives.  We can advocate for better policies that give workers--all of us--better lives, better conditions, better incomes.  Nothing here argues against that--and much more can be argued in favor of it--but small things have big consequences.  A little courtesy can go a long way toward encouraging someone who is working in difficult circumstances.  A proper tip can help make a struggling family a little more secure.  You will be making a small effort, but you will still be engaging in ethical action.  Try it. You'll like it.  (And share this with your sister-in-law.)