The Blame Game

Not my cat
AI image by Mr Zed at Pixabay

When something goes wrong around my house, I think about whose fault it is.  Note that, except for those times when my grandson is more or less camping here before moving on to his next residence, there's just me and the cat living here.  But somehow, all too often, the first thought in my brain is that my grandson broke it, or my great grand-daughter misplaced it, or someone who helped me at some point in the past put it somewhere that I just can't find.  Now, all of these things are possible.  My grandson is strong.  He often tightens lids beyond my capacity to open them.  He almost never puts the twister tie back on the bread.  My great-granddaughter--a beautiful nine-year-old now--does have a history of walking around with my stuff and then walking away from it after depositing it in some other location.  The cat, well, she mostly just sheds everywhere and occasionally barfs where I am sure to step.

What strikes me in this is that (a) stuff occurs and (b) my brain should know that.  So why does my brain so frequently try to allocate blame for the stuff that occurs?

One answer that is given to that question has to do with control and power.  That is, blaming someone--anyone--can give a greater sense of control over a troublesome situation by identifying a "culprit" and thus justifying our anger and frustration with whatever has happened.  Andrea M. Darcy explores some of the reasons why we resort to blame (it's easy, it unloads backed up feelings, it deflects our own personal accountability, etc.).  Blaming others, she points out, also has its cost--in personal growth and positive relationships.

While it is clear that I may have some work to do with my brain and how it copes with the frustrations of daily living, I think we see this Blame Game playing out on the big screen of our country right now.  Just this morning, our new President's response to the tragic deaths of 67 humans in an air crash near Reagan Airport was to blame his predecessors in office for incorrect policies and DEI, of all things, for this accident.  While we may eventually see the degree to which human error might have contributed to the accident, the BG being played out before us is very definitely an example of the use of blame for power and control.  

The situation in the American Ethical Union is somewhat less clear, but the Blame Game is still being played.  When programs and services are not being provided, the tendency is to shift the blame--to one's predecessors, to a racist system, to lack of participation by others, etc.  Some of that may indeed be true.  What is lacking here is a willingness to accept responsibility for one's personal actions.  Perhaps even more importantly, what is lacking is any attempt to overcome any of these barriers with positive corrective action.  Blame, after all, is soothing.  

Things are going wrong in our AEU "house."  This has gone on for a while--and the "family" is starting to grumble.  It's past time, I think, to look--each of us--at our own responsibilities and hold ourselves accountable, yes, but, better, to look for ways to overcome the stalemates and obstacles that have stopped all progress on mission and purpose, and get back to work.  Together, if at all possible.

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Fire and Ethical Friends

Fuego is a local eating establishment which seems to be popular with graduates of the local university.  I selected it as the place to meet up with several friends from Ethical (one of the New Jersey branches) who were passing through en route to view the upcoming solar eclipse.  I had intended to invite them to that local establishment also known as the Texas Stop Sign (DQ), but a quick check showed no coffee on the menu and an opening time of 10:00 am.  Fuego is open 24 hours.  

So we met.  I knew all three of my visitors either from working together through the American Ethical Union or attending the same meetings online.  It was really nice to meet them all three in person.  We had a chance to share some Texas foods (banana pudding, breakfast tacos, horchata--and coffee, of course).  We also shared a bond, each having our own experiences of the past few months of drama in the AEU and each extending spoken and unspoken words of empathy and compassion for the slings and arrows that seem to have flown out of that drama.  

What I had not expected was the depth of discussion that we had about the ups and downs of membership in Ethical Culture.  As with most forms of religious community these days, our membership is declining.  We talked about "nones," and the apparent commitment in that group to remain uncommitted.  We talked a bit about the social shifts that occurred because of the COVID pandemic, and the technology that continues to support our isolation.  

The conversation gave me a chance to talk about my own ideas about membership growth.  The 1% reversal of decline that moves us in a positive direction.  The need to be a visible to those who are needing--or seeking--our community.  The back and forth of discussion pointed out a weakness or two in my ideas and opened new possibilities of thought.  In other words, it was an Ethical discussion among Ethicals about Ethical--conducted ethically.  What a delight!

We often think of the positive benefits of our community in terms of a safe haven, a compassionate space, a warm welcome.  We share our joys and concerns and get to know each other better.  All true and good.  I think our community also provides a chance to exchange ideas in an open manner with respect for each other as well as for reality.  How refreshing!

Fuego ("fire" in Spanish) provided us with a different "light of understanding, warmth of compassion, and fire of commitment."  The banana pudding was good, too!

Giving Ethically

What are your reasons for giving?

Discussions now going on in the American Ethical Union suggest that there are different motives for giving to that organization; some fairly strong voices even say that AEU should be giving money to its member Societies rather than the other way around.  The Ethical Society of Austin is also in budget-making mode, trying to balance projected needs against projected income.

I had the privilege of speaking to another Ethical Culture Society a couple of years ago.  The topic was giving, and I was invited to help inspire the opening of wallets.  There just wasn't enough money to do the things that the group wanted to do unless people started contributing more than the occasional $5 bill.  It's a common problem for all our Ethical Culture Societies.

Looking through my papers I ran across a draft of that speech.  It was titled "Giving Ethically," and based on a model that I use for framing Ethical Action as Living, Giving, Serving, and Educating.  Three reasons that I cited in that speech for giving to the Ethical Culture Movement seem relevant to current discussions.  I called these the "Why" of my giving.

• First, there is still much work to be done. Democracy is in danger. The end of racism is still so far away. We do not act like a peaceful nation no matter what our leaders say. Ethical Culture’s voice–and its reason and its humane concern–are all needed in today’s public dialogue. This moral voice can lead, inspire, teach others to be better, to be their best. I would give all I can to support the voice that says that ethics is and must be central to all we do.
• Second, there are other people like me still out there, people who have never heard of Ethical Culture. These are people who long for the light of understanding, the warmth of compassion, and the fire of commitment. Those words–”the light of understanding, the warmth of compassion, and the fire of commitment”--are what we say when we light a candle at the beginning of our Sunday meeting in Austin. Those words were what first drew me into Ethical Culture. I would give all I could to turn that candle into a beacon that signals from hilltop to hilltop that here in Ethical Culture is a community of kindred spirits in which you can grow and flourish to do and be your best.
• And third, on a more practical note, I have always been one to pay attention to the basics. I’ve been known to give the kids new underwear for Christmas. Once, when I had no cash to give, I supplied a candidate’s campaign with toilet paper (I just bought extra supplies when I bought groceries). In 25 years of managing non-profit organizations, I am well aware of the dreaded administrative costs. I know from experience that the smaller the organization the higher the percentage of budget allocated to administration. Ethical Culture–to be a beacon for those who would join our Movement and to be the voice of ethics for this nation–must have a sound foundation for its daily operations. I would (and do) give to make sure that the lights stay on and there’s someone there to keep things going.

 Nothing has changed for me in the past two years.  These are still my reasons for giving.  I have to ask:  What is your "Why"?

Team Austin in Commun-I-Tree

The AEU recently held an All-Society Platform (ASP), featuring Audrey Kindred, NYSEC, as the speaker.  Her topic was Human-I-Tree, emphasizing the relationship between humans and trees (take a breath, thank a tree) and the lessons that we can learn from trees about our connection to each other.  It was an inspiring program, and I hope that we can continue to explore and expand the ideas that Audrey shared with us on New Year's Eve morning.

Team Austin played a big role in that ASP, and it's a good thing we did.  This ASP almost didn't happen.  New Year's Eve is a holiday to many Americans, and Ethical Culture Societies often make a decision not to hold a meeting that falls on a major holiday.  Since Mother's Day or Martin Luther King Day and others not known for fireworks or adult beverages don't cause the same amount of hesitation regarding our Sunday gatherings, I am led to think that this is more about the secularization and conflation of Christmas and New Year's (and the sanctification of Independence Day, but that's a topic for another day).  Indeed, the importance and treatment of any holiday in the Ethical Culture Movement will have to wait for discussion another day.  On this occasion the holiday (eve) fell on a fifth Sunday and was the unusual fifth fifth Sunday in 2023.  There was some hesitation among those now leading the AEU on preparing for this extra fifth Sunday.  The planning team--a variable group of individuals from several Societies who volunteer to plan and present these ASPs--was hesitant to push back against what seemed like the inevitability of skipping this fifth Sunday.  (We're all polite and want to be respectful of each other's ideas.)

One of us (guess who) felt strongly enough that we should have an ASP on 12/31 that she spoke up to say that she thought we ought to go ahead with planning.  Why?

• It is one of few clear programs/services of the AEU for its member Societies to sponsor a national gathering on the fifth Sunday.  This is more important than ever while many programs and committees are "on pause."
• Some of the smaller Societies (such as Austin) appreciate the relief of not having to plan programs for the four or five Sundays when a national program is provided.
• The ASPs originated (thanks to Bart Worden) during the COVID pandemic when all of our Societies had to stop meeting in person.  The ASPs became the national campfire around which we could gather during that period of crisis.
• We ended up liking the ASPs.  A survey of the Societies ranked these national platforms as one of the top five most valued--and used--AEU services by their members.
• Now that many Societies are meeting in person again, there is still a need for a "national campfire" to remind us that we do have a national community and to allow us a chance to meet and get to know each other.  

At the next meeting of the planning committee, Audrey Kindred said she had a program that she'd like to present, and things took off from there.  Sorta.  There was still the problem of how to support Audrey with the technical tools required to host a national meeting on Zoom.  Greg Bonin, the new Director of Administration for AEU, juggled many simultaneous projects to make sure that the ASP was on the calendar and eventually publicized, but he was not able to be present on the day of the event to provide technical support.

Well, it was kinda my "push" that kept this program going, so I kinda had to step up to "take the lead" on tech support.  If you've seen me on Zoom, you know I can't hear, I get the buttons messed up, I talk to myself (and everybody else) while I try to find the right buttons, and and and.  This was now scary--for me and for the ASP.  I did ask for help from other Societies (folks from the now disbanded Ethical Action Committee--and others that I knew had done tech support for AEU meetings), but, sadly, no one was available.  Well, my only choice was to go to Team Austin and tell them the situation.  Well (again), my faith in my community was more than validated (again).

• Hans said he had the week off and would be glad to help (and attend rehearsals).
• Cortney and Nathan were committed elsewhere but could show up on the day.  O Happy Day when they were available the day before the event to join our rehearsal.
• Adam was committed elsewhere but could show up on the day.  And he did.

And we did it.  We managed everything we needed to do.  And I felt so supported by the Ethical Society of Austin that these young folks (you're all young to me!) would be so willing to help.  

It doesn't hurt that 8 other members of the Society also attended the ASP.  Indeed, the Ethical Society of Austin was 10% of the audience for this fifth fifth Sunday with the AEU that almost didn't happen--and, with Audrey and the Kahns from Brooklyn,  we made it happen.  We were indeed part of the Commun-I-Tree.

Shake those branches!

Adler on Purpose

Standing Up for Human Rights at the Texas Capitol

Felix Adler reported to the New York Society about what he experienced at the first [international] Congress [of Ethical Societies] held in Zurich in 1896 (Ethical Addresses, Series Three, pp. 133-150).  He detailed the activities reported by the Ethical Societies that attended from all over Europe and then he turned to the problem that he saw:

Now all this is very laudable and very interesting, but it did seem to me as if there was one thing lacking in the foreign Ethical Societies — or at least if not lacking yet not sufficiently pronounced: that is, the spiritual element. I do not mean anything mystical when I use the word spiritual. When we think of morality, if we concentrate our attention on the act, on the external part of it, then we are not spiritual; but if we care chiefly for the spirit in which the act is done, then we take the spiritual view. It seemed to me as if the spiritual side, though not wanting by any means among the leaders — in fact it was beautifully emphasized by some of the leaders — was nevertheless too much neglected; as if the drift were in an external direction, as if the feeling prevailed that the ethical society exists for the benefit of others. I have always felt that this is a wrong attitude to take. I have always felt that an ethical society should take the ground that it exists primarily for the moral benefit of its own members. It is in this way that I have distinguished in my mind between the real members and the quasi members of an ethical society. The real member of an ethical society is the person who feels that he has not yet — morally — finished his education; that he is in need of moral development, in need of help, and looks upon the society as a means of helping him in his moral development. The quasi member is the person who merely appreciates the society in so far as it is doing good for others. He is no real member, at best only an ally, an associate. Now I felt that this sort of external feeling prevails to a considerable degree in the foreign societies as it still largely exists in our own. (pp 143-144).  Emphasis added.

From another perspective, we have, in the next year’s Series (Ethical Addresses, Series 4), a report of the Congress from the new Secretary of what he called, at that point, the International Ethical Federation.  Dr. F. W. Foerster, Jr., son of the eminent astronomer, Dr. F. W. Foerster, reported on Adler’s address to the Congress thusly:

The address given the following evening by Professor Felix Adler, the founder of the Ethical Movement, on " Our Common Aims," proved to be of importance in the outlook it opened and the influence it exercised on the deliberations of the Congress. For him all merely external results achieved by the Movement are of minor significance. The true  “practice" cannot appear unless a social regeneration has previously taken place in every individual. In assigning the chief prominence to the moral renewal of the inner life, Professor Adler pointed out, at the same time, the necessary consequences which a thoroughly sincere person, who lays the principal stress on the inner side of reform, must draw, so far as the social and economic distress of the present day is concerned. This elucidation was the more timely, as many of the continental leaders were under the mistaken impression that the Ethical Movement in America has taken the shape of a sort of religious sect, and does not attempt to exert a decisive influence upon the attitude and conduct of its members with respect to social and political questions. This impression indeed seemed, for the moment, to receive additional confirmation when Professor Adler proceeded to warn against the tendency to over-emphasize activity in the external field and declared that, as members of the Ethical Societies, we are to see to it primarily that  “we save our own souls alive," that it is our own inward integrity which we must seek to rescue. But it was speedily made plain that no mere retirement into a sequestered Ethical individualism was intended, but that the position indicated contained within itself the very strongest motives to the exercise of the social energies. For, moral self-recollection, according to Professor Adler, if it be only deep enough, is sure to lead us beyond the narrow limits of individualism, sure to awaken in us not merely interest in our fellow beings and a forceless pity for their sufferings, but to fill us with a profoundly moving consciousness that we are, in part, responsible for the crimes and miseries that exist in society and will arouse us to seek expiation from the social guilt which adheres to us. And this, first of all and chiefly, by achieving our inner release from the evil powers that today devastate mankind. (Series 4, 102-103)

And he goes on from there. (And I should point out that about a year later Dr. Foerster (the younger) left the Movement and converted to Catholicism.)  What I gathered from this was that, at the very beginning of our international federation, there was concern that Ethical Culture was being distorted into a social justice or social service organization.  Adler’s repeated assertion is that our goal is our own personal moral/ethical growth and improvement – and our practice in social service and social action is how we learn and grow.  That, at least, is my understanding of what I have been seeing and reading as I do this work.  Interestingly, the tension remains in the AEU and in our local Societies – are we all about ethics or are we all about the practice of ethics?  Somehow it always seems to be either/or and not both/and.

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The above excerpt is from an address I recently delivered to the Ethical Humanist Society of the Triangle.  The address focused on lessons gleaned from preparing the Bibliography of Ethical Culture, starting with Ethical Addresses and Ethical Record, a 21 volume serial published by the American Ethical Union from 1895 to 1914.  

The founding of an International Union of Ethical Societies was an important milestone in the history of the Ethical Culture Movement.  I found it interesting that there was some misunderstanding at the outset regarding the goal of individual improvement and the broader element of social development.  Part of that interest came from the point raised in the last sentence of this portion of my address:  History is repeating itself in our Movement.  That is, insofar as those who join us are looking to perform good works and acts of social justice, they may have failed to understand the purpose of our Ethical Societies.  Yes, we commit to doing Ethical actions.  Yes, we want to make the world a better place for all who live in it.  But we are, first of all, seeking to develop our own understanding of ethics and the right thing to do.  As we progress in our understanding of ethics, part of that understanding will be that there are those who need our help, that our voice is needed to clarify the ethics of the situation, that our time and talent can be used to improve the lives of others.  Part of that understanding will also be that our ethics are practical and applied as a way of gaining an even better understanding of the needs and suffering of those around us as we also seek ways to relieve that suffering.  It is not the application of our ethics that we seek but the understanding and knowledge and human compassion that we gain by applying them, drawing us closer to our fellow humans and more in harmony with the planet.  That ethical action is a by-product of our ethical development is not any less important than the fact that ethical action is a tool of our ethical development. 

Have a nice winter festival, Y'all!

This Happy Ethical Human will celebrate the season and 

return in the new year (with resolutions, no doubt!).

Black Lives Matter . . . to Me

That's the inaugural "Compassionate Pen Writing Prompt" for the New York Society for Ethical Culture's Ethics for Teen Leaders "invitation to express."  Teens are asked to use that writing prompt to express what the Black Lives Matter movement or concept means in their own lives.  The expression may be an essay, a poem, a short personal letter, a short story, or a graphic.

Audrey Kindred, children's program director at NYSEC, explains the invitation in these terms:

"Black Lives Matter"  is a modern civil rights call of a kind, over half a century after Dr. King's "I Have a Dream" speech.  This call at this time indicates that we might need to be ever more attentive of unmet needs, caring of continued inequalities and vigilant about outstanding harms occurring within the very "American Dream" Americans have been creating since King.  

Her words caught my attention, especially:  unmet needs, continued inequalities, outstanding harms.  And then I found this music.


The album came from the fortuitous meetings of Rev. Osagyefo Uhuru Sekou and Jay-Marie Hill at Black Lives Matter protest in Cleveland.  Once they decided to collaborate musically, they wrote 11 songs in 6 days.  This is both "movement music" and "healing music" that deals with issues of equality for gender, sexuality, and race.  It also raises unmet needs, continued inequalities, and outstanding harms.

Worth a listen.  Worth a thought--what is there in our everyday lives that contributes to unmet needs, continued inequalities, and outstanding harms? How should we address these issues in our everyday lives?

Adler's Founding Address

Ethical culture, as an organized religion and cultural movement, is coming up on its 140th anniversary.  I am still learning about ethical culture, still growing as a person, so I spend a little time now and then looking for more resources to add to my own sparse knowledge about it.  One fine resource that I have found is the website of the American Ethical Union (AEU), the national organization to which the Ethical Society of Austin (ESOA) is allied, ESOA's parent organization, if you will.  AEU has been digitizing and posting various addresses and writings of Felix Adler, founder of ethical culture, on its website.  One such address is Adler's "Founding Address" given on May 15, 1876.

I am still reading and digesting Adler's words, am still, indeed, in the beginning of the address where he is laying out the conditions of the world which cry out to him of the need for this new religious organization.  Without yet considering what he seeks to establish, it is worthwhile to pause to consider what and why he seeks to establish something new.  And, given my already proud admission of being a lover of words, the language, dear ones, the language!

The broader context for Adler's address is interesting in itself.  He only alludes to strife, corruption, and the general disarray of society and its institutions.  With very little detailed knowledge of history we already know that, in 1876, the United States was still undergoing the social upheaval of the Civil War which "ended" just 11 years before.  Adler also alluded to "this festal epoch of [the Nation's] marriage to Liberty," 1876 being the nation's first centennial.  One can imagine this to be an anniversary of great moment in the minds of a people who had just shed so much blood to maintain its unity, giving them even more pause to think about the principles on which the nation had been founded.  Lincoln was assassinated, his vice-president and successor impeached, his Commanding General elected president and presiding over an administration widely criticized for its corruption.  Rutherford B. Hayes, president at the time of Adler's address, was proposing reforms to which Adler refers directly:

But the renovation of our Civil Service, the reform of our Primaries, and whatever other measures may be devised, they all depend in the last instance upon the fidelity of those to whom their execution must be entrusted. They will all fail unless the root of the evil be attacked, unless the conscience of men be aroused, the confusion of right and wrong checked, and the loftier purposes of our being again brought powerfully home to the hearts of the people.

Adler cites a reduction in moral presence from already established religious institutions ("Morality, long accustomed to the watchful tutelage of faith, finds this connection loosened or severed. . . ").  He spends even more time addressing "a fierce craving desire for gain [that] has taken possession of the commercial world . . ."  He calls for a "powerful check and counterpoise, lest the pursuit of gain be enhanced to an importance never rightfully its own, lest, in proportion as we enhance our comfort and well-being, comfort and well-being become the main objects of existence, and life's grander motives and meanings be forgotten."

In the latter statement, Adler parallels my own thinking--that we are not merely animals who live by consuming, excreting, and making whoopee--that we have minds and consciousness of our own being and the world around us and so can and should contemplate the nature of ourselves and our world, preferably to act to make of them both the best that they can be.  Adler says it so much more elegantly, of course, the language of his day being more specifically shaped for rhetorical effect and circumlocution, while the language of our day is more truncated, direct, and coarsened.

The Founding Address has echoes in the present in the greed of commerce, the ubiquitous pursuit of happiness at the expense of higher values, the concerns of public policy and the corruption of policy makers, the need to provide real moral direction to our children.  I will continue studying this address for its content but also for its perspective.  I'm sure I will find more in this address that speaks to me/us today.