Hanging with Ethicals

Ethical Humans!

Attending a memorial service is not exactly hanging out with friends, but I recently attended one held for Susan Rose Teshu, who died in July.  Even though I never met her in person, I felt a need to attend this memorial service to honor a woman who had been so active in Ethical Culture for so many years and was so clearly beloved by many.  Susan served for several years as the Dean of Leadership Training for the American Ethical Union and, some years ago, well before COVID introduced us all to Zoom meetings, hosted Ethical Society Without Walls, an online community for those who did not live near an active Ethical Culture Society.  

I refer to attending her memorial service in the lighter tone of "hanging out" because, although I didn't know Susan or her family, I knew many who were in the audience.  I also felt instantly included in the group, even though I arrived a few minutes late (time zones bite).  This was more than the sense of familiarity that comes with entering a room of acquaintances.  It was the sense that I was in a room with like hearted people.  "Safe" is the word that is being tossed around these days, and I have to say that I felt safe in a space with few personal friends.  

I think the feeling came from being with people that I knew to be Ethicals (whether they identify as Ethical Culturists or Ethical Humanists).  These were people that I could trust to recognize my worth as a human being and treat me with integrity.

The remembrances expressed about Susan and her life and work were sometimes moving, sometimes not at all clear to me.  I had my own experiences with loss to help me see the catharsis that such remembrances were actively providing for the speakers.  I was also moved to tears as my own remembrances of grief provided a background context for looking at the gallery (as the "room" is called in Zoom), seeing familiar faces, recognizing smiles and deep feelings, sharing the emotions of loss and love.  

I think Susan Rose is part of the reason that these like hearted people could gather in such a way and create a safe space for expressing and feeling emotion. Her leadership and the training she provided--part of a tradition that began many years ago--helped foster this attitude of acceptance and welcome.  I think many of  the people who gathered to honor her do the same for others.  I think part of why they can do that is because Ethical Culture starts with a commitment to attribute worth to each person we meet.  All are welcome, all are accepted, even if they are late, even if they never say a word.  I came to honor Susan; I left healed and strengthened.

25 Ethical Actions You Can Perform in the Privacy of Your Own Home

Ethical Culture is committed to Ethical Action.  Some folks call it Social Action.  Others stick with Social Justice.  There are differences between these labels, but all of them are pointed toward a central aspect of Felix Adler's "new religion":  That we seek to be better, more moral humans; that we can do so by acting more morally; that we will learn to do better with practice.  That, at least, is my interpretation of what I read in some of the addresses that Adler gave to the New York Society for Ethical Culture and other groups in the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries.

In leading various Ethical Action committees (for the Ethical Society of Austin and the American Ethical Union), I have observed that many speak of--and practice--Ethical Action as a group activity conducted in the community.  I tend to think that it is how we live our lives--in our ordinary daily activities--that we also put our Ethics into practice, which makes those daily activities Ethical Actions.  

Ethical Society of Austin joins protestors at the Texas Capitol

(Adam Gravois makes an important point)

Here are some examples of Ethical Actions that we can practice in our daily lives.  Almost all of these actions are directed toward the environment--reduced use of resources and recycling of used resources.  Even so, some of these actions can also lead toward some social/community connection as well as involve our Ethical decision making in shopping, both of which will have an effect beyond our homes.  Indeed, all of these actions connect us to the planet and those who live on it, reminding us of the importance of even the smallest action.

Five in the kitchen:

• (2) Rinse and recycle metal cans (after air drying).  Be sure to drain all liquid from beverage cans before placing them in your recycling bin.
• This seems like an obvious thing to do, but I've seen wet cans tossed into the bins often enough to understand that not everyone is thinking about the future growth of mildew in the bin and in the recycled cans.  The time delay between the tossing of the can and the actual recycling process can be lengthy enough for all sorts of toxic items to grow, coat the bin(s), and escape into the air.
• (3) Load your dishwasher carefully, being mindful of the physics of water flow to assure clean dishes.  Run the dishwasher only for a full load (top and bottom!).  Consider turning off the heat drying cycle and allowing your dishes to air dry.
• My late husband and I had many discussions about the physics of water (it goes down and around, not up or through solid masses) and how that related to the dishwasher.  Now I cringe when I see dishes piled in such a way that water flow is blocked.  Not only is this dangerous (surfaces not cleaned and sanitized), but it is a waste of water and electricity when the machine can't do its job properly.
• I allow my dishes to air dry when the washing cycle is finished.  This saves a bit of electricity (which makes me feel somewhat less guilty about relying on a machine to wash my dishes).

Five in the bathroom:

• Turn off the water in your sink when you brush your teeth.
• Consider purchasing toilet paper made from recycled paper.
• Soft, fluffy toilet paper is made from fresh-cut trees which have longer and more flexible fibers.  Recycled paper can get the job done without the luxury of wiping with a soft, fluffy item which is sourced from a vital, slow-growing resource.  
• Check the label on your toilet paper (or contact the manufacturer) to see whether it includes recycled paper and how much.  
• I use Who Gives a Crap brand toilet paper.  This company uses post consumer waste to make its recycled toilet paper.  It also makes toilet paper from bamboo, a fast growing grass (no trees needed).  
• (2) Recycle the wrapper and toilet roll core.
• If the wrapper is plastic, it needs to go along with your other plastic bags for recycling.  If paper, just put it with the rest in your bin.
• Yes, the cardboard core is recyclable.  (It's also good for crafting and, with a slit up the side, bundling messy computer wires.)
• Consider saving your leftover soap pieces to make a "new" soap ball.
• OK, I haven't made a soap ball yet, but I'm saving the soap slivers.  I will, no doubt, make a big deal out of shredding the slivers and making the ball--when the time comes.

Five in the living room:

• Turn off unnecessary lights.  
• Do you really need to run the TV in the background?
• (3) Magazines can have longer lives after you've finished with them:
• Check with a local senior facility to see if they can use the magazines for their residents.
• If there are lots of pictures, check with a local school to see if teachers can use the magazines for projects (or for reading).
• If all else fails, recycle the paper.

Five in the closet/laundry:

• Wear your clothes longer.  
• Purchase durable fabrics in "classic" styles that can be worn year after year.  This will help cut the cycle of "fast fashion" and, ultimately, reduce the amount of clothes thrown into a landfill.
• Unless you are outside in the Texas summer and/or doing heavy manual labor, chances are you can wear that blouse/shirt more than once.  This will reduce the frequency of laundering your clothes and the expenditure of energy resources to do it.
• Hang dry your clothes rather than using the dryer.  This will extend the life of the fabric (less loss of fiber) and wearability (less shrinkage).
• Yes, things will be rumpled.  Straighten the cloth as much as possible while still wet.  Iron only if you really must.  Strut the rumpled look when among friends.  😏
• Wash your clothes in cold water.
• Wash only a full load of clothes.
• Yeah, yeah, the manufacturer has settings for smaller loads, using less water.  It still uses electricity for a full cycle.  

78 degrees in the summer;
68 degrees in the winter.

Five for the whole house:

• Set your thermostat on 78 for the summer, 68 for the winter--and don't touch it.
• Switch to LED lightbulbs.
• Turn off the light and the ceiling fan when you leave a room.
• Use natural light as much as possible.
• Change your A/C filters regularly.

Most of these things reflect a degree of "common sense" and promote frugality.  Who Gives a Crap Toilet paper is not frugal in terms of the cash that I pay to buy it, but, since I'm not flushing trees down the loo, I am happy to spend the money.  I'm not so good at using natural light when it is available, but assorted nurses have entered my home and started messing with the blinds often enough that I am catching on.  All of this "small stuff" takes some practice and attention to detail until it becomes a habit.  The tradeoff in cost/effort vs benefit may well be in our improved sense of commitment to the earth and our fellow earthlings (of all species) as we succeed in reducing unnecessary demands on the planet's resources and increase our progress toward being the kind of person that we wish to be.

Peace and the Roots of Violence

Violence has many roots.  After the school shooting in Uvalde, Texas, I felt personally affected.  The time and physical distance between these tragic school shootings seemed to be narrowing, and I began to feel less safe.  Media reports are often not enough to understand what is happening around these events, and, just as often, the reports seem to contribute to the problem by repeatedly naming the shooter, blaming authorities for technical mistakes, and generally stirring up fearful emotions without looking at root causes and effective, science-based solutions.

After Uvalde, I began looking more closely at school shootings, looking for better answers.  I read The Violence Project by Gillian Peterson and James Densley.  I looked into the recommendations of The Off-Ramp Project.  I internalized the message that such violence is not instantaneous--it is often signaled well in advance, while there is still time to prevent it by addressing the issues that the shooter is trying--and failing--to cope with.  

When my friend, Leanne, began to talk about the beginning of a new school year in our community, and the special concerns that accompany that event at a local school where her husband is a School Resource Officer, I immediately "alerted" to what she was saying.  Lamar Rebound Alternative School is a special campus for students who have, let's call it, adjustment issues in school.  The Rebound School is mandatory, not optional, for students who commit certain infractions on or off campus.  It provides a chance to rethink, readjust, and rebound in their school career with the help of personalized learning opportunities.  As Leanne talked about the home and social situations for some of these students, my heart lurched.  No longer seeing the two-dimensional "bad kid," I could see students coming from distressing home situations (divorce, a parent in prison, drug abuse, poverty, and the list goes on and on) to school and acting out their distress (and anger, hurt, fear) with aggression and violence. 

"What can I do?" I thought.

Not a whole lot as it turns out.  But sometimes even tiny things can have a big(ger) effect and meaning.  And a journey of a thousand miles begins with that first step, does it not?

I took that first step, with help from Leanne and her husband, The SRO, to meet with staff at Lamar Rebound Alternative School and bring in a few small donations that could help the students in a crisis (hunger, need to meet school dress code, personal hygiene supplies).  I want this to be an ongoing project not only to help these at-risk children in my community, but also because I want to live my commitment to the Culture of Peace.

Peace is not just the opposite of war.  It is not just the absence of violence and abuse.  It is also a positive effect of respecting and nurturing the inherent worth of all humans.  It is the proactive effort to see the whole person in their whole context and recognize the distressing pressures of their life situation--with the intentional effort to seek ways to reduce the stressors and uplift the person.

I am not a Pink Lady.  I do not not not like snakes.  But this year's Spirit Shirt is pink--and the school mascot is (this is Texas!) a rattlesnake--so I wore the Spirit Shirt and stepped into the school to meet the Principal, the Senior Administrative Assistant, the SRO, several teachers and a few students.  I had a chance to look through the school and see the "pantry" that I hope to help keep stocked.  I saw positive messages of hope and fulfillment of potential.  I saw peace in action.  I hope to support that peace and be a part of it.  Whatever it takes.

Peace Charm Initiative

 

Peace charm reminding me to bring peace into my day

It gets harder to do some things as we get older.  I don't think I'll be participating in any more marches or protests, given the knee situation.  That doesn't mean, however, that I can't do something.  What I'm doing is making little charms to attach to just about anything that has a zipper. I was inspired to do this by a friend who is even older than I am.  I don't know what shape her knees are in, but I do think of her as being fragile and would never expect her to grab a protest sign and start marching.  That doesn't stop her from making a contribution to things that matter.  One of her projects these days is to make quilt squares.  She doesn't actually make the quilts themselves, but she uses the time she spends watching television by keeping her hands busy cutting out quilt pieces.  When she has enough, she passes them along to those who do make quilts--and they then make neonatal baby quilts for hospitals in her area.

I can't quite make the charms while watching television.  I have to set aside some time to make them in my studio, but I still count it as Me Time, because making the charms requires just enough concentration that I can forget about all sorts of troubles and concerns and just focus on wrapping the wire.  Even more fun is picking the beads.  All of the charms have the peace symbol at the center, but I can vary the small beads at the top and bottom that complement the color and design.  Making the selection involves that favorite pastime--playing with beads.  Well, my studio is not the Library of Congress!  I have to dig around though all sorts of containers to see what I have to work with and what I might want to add to a particular charm.  It's all very relaxing to take these moments out of a busy day, even more so when I know that I am doing something that will eventually (I hope) do some good.

And here's what I'm doing with the charms:  I've made enough charms to take them to a Sunday meeting of the Ethical Society of Austin.  I gave them to anyone who wanted to take one with the caveat that they needed to attach the charm (please) to something that they will see or use most days.  The charm is intended to serve as reminder to them that peace begins with us.  In our hearts.  In our thoughts.  In our words.  In our deeds.  I am asking them to see that reminder and try to find some way to bring peace into their conversations or their actions.  

I have more to say about how to do that, but I have to begin with a question about how to describe what I am doing.  I'm making charms.  The phrase that comes to mind is "charm offensive"--which, as it happens, has some slightly negative connotations in its association with false friendliness for the purposes of gaining favors.  Even worse, "offensive" is sometimes used in reference to attacking military campaigns. Even so, I rather like the contrast between "peace" and "offensive" as a way to emphasize the active work that I want to do with these charms to bring peace into my conversation and activities.  It seems more natural to use the phrase "charm offensive" than "charm initiative," but I think I would be more consistent in my own thinking if I continue the effort to remove military/war words from my speech (and thought).  So, Peace Charm Initiative it is.

I also took the Initiative to the August meeting of the Hill Country Freethinkers Association in San Marcos, asking members to use the charms to think about peace, nonviolence, and the ways in which we can reduce violence in our community.  And now I need to make more charms for my trip to New York.  😁

Peace and Goodwill

 After many months of not having the bandwidth to continue this blog, I am game to make another try.  I can't say how long this enthusiasm for writing and opining will last, but I am happily up to my elbows in old documents and new ideas about Ethical Culture.  I will start with something that is very close to my heart right now:  Peace and goodwill.

Here's what I wrote about it a few weeks ago:

I sign my emails with a formal closing:  “Peace and goodwill.”  Many of us carry that habit of providing a closing formula from those “old days” when we all wrote actual letters and closed with “Sincerely” or “With kind regards” or something to reflect our positive intentions or respect for the person we are addressing.  Since becoming more active in AEU, I have seen some more creative responses more tailored to our Ethical community:  “In fellowship,” “In community,” or similar phrases.  None of these seemed natural for me, so I played around with some version of “best” or simply my first initial.  The latter remains an ingrained habit (sorry), but I did finally come up with something that fit me better when I closed a message with “Peace and goodwill.”

The “peace” is, in fact, a reflection of our Ethical community.  AEU passed a resolution in 2021 that renewed our commitment to a Culture of Peace.  The resolution referenced not only war but violence and systemic racism as some of the factors that have pushed back against a culture of peace.  As a response to that resolution, I spent some time trying to think of ways in which I could work to support a culture of peace in my daily life.  One way, I thought, would be to shift my language away from military and warlike statements.  That’s one reason you’ll (sometimes) hear me correct myself when I blurt out phrases like “battle plan” or “the cavalry arrived” and reframe my words (and my thinking) in more peaceful images:  “work plan,” “timely assistance.”  Trying to make that change (it’s a work in progress) also made me think about ways to positively and proactively inject peace, non-violence, and cooperation in my speech.  I started by signing my messages with “peace.”

Not long afterward, during that winter holiday that seems increasingly difficult to escape, I received a greeting card that spoke of the “season of goodwill.”  Why, I wondered, was goodwill limited to only one season?  It was not, I told myself.  And so I added “goodwill” to my closing, partly to expand my sense of what a culture of peace would include and also as an “Ethical seed” that would (could?) remind whoever I might be writing that my intentions are positive as well as peaceful in all seasons.

It’s a small thing, but it is meaningful for me, and I hope it will have meaning for others.  It is certainly more than empty words.

 

We have been talking about the culture of peace a little more in the Ethical Society of Austin, and I think I want us to do more of that.  I will certainly do a bit more in my next post.