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| Not my cat AI image by Mr Zed at Pixabay |
When something goes wrong around my house, I think about whose fault it is. Note that, except for those times when my grandson is more or less camping here before moving on to his next residence, there's just me and the cat living here. But somehow, all too often, the first thought in my brain is that my grandson broke it, or my great grand-daughter misplaced it, or someone who helped me at some point in the past put it somewhere that I just can't find. Now, all of these things are possible. My grandson is strong. He often tightens lids beyond my capacity to open them. He almost never puts the twister tie back on the bread. My great-granddaughter--a beautiful nine-year-old now--does have a history of walking around with my stuff and then walking away from it after depositing it in some other location. The cat, well, she mostly just sheds everywhere and occasionally barfs where I am sure to step.
What strikes me in this is that (a) stuff occurs and (b) my brain should know that. So why does my brain so frequently try to allocate blame for the stuff that occurs?
One answer that is given to that question has to do with control and power. That is, blaming someone--anyone--can give a greater sense of control over a troublesome situation by identifying a "culprit" and thus justifying our anger and frustration with whatever has happened. Andrea M. Darcy explores some of the reasons why we resort to blame (it's easy, it unloads backed up feelings, it deflects our own personal accountability, etc.). Blaming others, she points out, also has its cost--in personal growth and positive relationships.
While it is clear that I may have some work to do with my brain and how it copes with the frustrations of daily living, I think we see this Blame Game playing out on the big screen of our country right now. Just this morning, our new President's response to the tragic deaths of 67 humans in an air crash near Reagan Airport was to blame his predecessors in office for incorrect policies and DEI, of all things, for this accident. While we may eventually see the degree to which human error might have contributed to the accident, the BG being played out before us is very definitely an example of the use of blame for power and control.
The situation in the American Ethical Union is somewhat less clear, but the Blame Game is still being played. When programs and services are not being provided, the tendency is to shift the blame--to one's predecessors, to a racist system, to lack of participation by others, etc. Some of that may indeed be true. What is lacking here is a willingness to accept responsibility for one's personal actions. Perhaps even more importantly, what is lacking is any attempt to overcome any of these barriers with positive corrective action. Blame, after all, is soothing.
Things are going wrong in our AEU "house." This has gone on for a while--and the "family" is starting to grumble. It's past time, I think, to look--each of us--at our own responsibilities and hold ourselves accountable, yes, but, better, to look for ways to overcome the stalemates and obstacles that have stopped all progress on mission and purpose, and get back to work. Together, if at all possible.
